Rosie O'Donnell
by Gabrielle
4/1/02

 

Clearly DC Dykes.com needs to address the issue of Rosie O'Donnell coming out on national television recently with Diane Sawyer. The following is something I wrote for a for a forum on various issues called Spitball located on the MelanieLovesLindsay website. I encourage you to visit that site and contribute to the various topics listed.

We were at home watching a tape of the previous week’s ER waiting for the new episode to begin when we received "the call." It was our VA two-mommy family counterparts in Richmond letting us know that Rosie was about to head into her second hour with Diane Sawyer. Needless to say our television viewing schedule changed immediately.

My partner already had our son when we met. There is no father in the picture - formally never has been and never will be. As the non-biological parent of a son, I can tell you that I truly did have reservations about raising a child in a two-mommy family. Living my life as a lesbian in today’s world was proving to be hard enough. I certainly did not want to force upon an innocent person, especially a child, the challenges associated with being gay or having gay parents.

Boy, did I have MUCH TO LEARN!!!!!!! I have never experienced anything as fulfilling as being part of this WONDERFUL child’s life. We clicked from day one and have been going full speed ahead ever since. He could not be more my son if he had popped out of my own body (thought I think my partner would have liked that since the physical size of his head at birth set a record at the hospital.) He is the kindest, gentlest person I have ever met. He has taught me more about love and acceptance than I learned in my collective life experience before I met him. Tonight the three of us were watching a movie and our son blurts out to my partner " love having you as my mom." He then looks over to me and says with the same enthusiasm "I love having you as my mom too!!" I was overcome by emotion. He could tell how I felt and just hugged me.

Rosie made many good points that we have discussed in our family. First of all, successful families are built because of LOVING HOMES!! The three of us genuinely love each other and like to spend time with each other. Our guy knows that we love him unconditionally. He sees love between his mommies, but as Rosie said he is never exposed to adult sexuality of any type. I never saw affection between my parents and intuitively knew as a child that something was not right. I think our guy is exposed to healthy and genuine caring between us and I think that is a comfort to him.

Regarding sexual orientation, our son DEFINITELY loves the blonde ladies (think Thea Gill from Queer as Folk!!). We knew he liked the blondes when he had a terrible Gabrielle fixation from the Xena: Warrior Princess show. He recently went to an elementary school skating party and came home having participating in all of the couples’ skates with a sweet young lady. As Rosie said, it is important that your child know that in most cases it is opposite genders that end up together. Our son has that part down;) However, our child knows and sees that sometimes people like to be with the same gender.

As Rosie said, it is important to be honest and open about puberty and sexuality. Our guy happens to be of the age where we have to deal with those questions often. We answer some questions, while some male family members and friends with "real life knowledge" answer others. A few months ago we took him to Borders and let him pick out some age appropriate books on a variety of adolescent subjects. Primarily, we wanted him to have factual answers to things that are happening to his body and to the bodies of those around him. Beyond the physical aspects of sex, we have had many long discussions about the emotional implications and ramifications of sex. The values we try to discuss are about respecting himself and the person with which he chooses to share himself. We teach that being in love and sharing that love in every possible way with another is the greatest experience one can have in life. He also knows that it does not matter who that other person is (gender, religion, color, nationality, etc.) as long as they love each other and treat each other with respect. Basically, my partner and I try to have the conversations with him that we never had with our parents but know now as adults that it would have been great and appropriate to have them.

By now you have probably noticed that I am a woman rambling. However, I am happy to testify to being a lesbian mother to a son who is clearly adjusted and happy with his family and life. Last week we explained for the first time what Queer as Folk was (no he has not, nor will he see the show for many years to come!) because he has met Shay and her family and wondered what web site we were always discussing. We told him that it was a show that had two characters that were moms who had a son. He said, "Cool. That’s like us." That was the end of the conversation. I thank God every day that my partner and I are able to expose him to all sorts of people, even people "like us." Whether real people or images on television, he has seen that he is just as normal as the next kid. I like to think he feels lucky. Lucky to have two committed parents who love him with all of their hearts. Unfortunately the reality is, not every kid in his class can say that.

While a lot of people in the gay community are busting Rosie’s chops for not coming out earlier, I want to thank her for using her public platform to raise awareness about gay families and the plight of children looking for a loving home. Rosie’s announcement about her sexuality and her family does make a difference. The passion she puts towards her current family and her desire to expand that family is inspiring. As a non-biological parent who is unable by law to adopt my son, I am outraged by the restrictions and barriers put up to prevent our families from being treated equally in America. Rosie is certainly someone who I think carries enough clout to help raise awareness and change laws in this area. If nothing else, at least Melissa Etheridge and Ellen DeGeneres will get a bit of a break from being the lesbian community celebrity poster chicks. THANK YOU ROSIE FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!!

Website Links:

Let Him Stay - Produced by the ACLU Lesbian & Gay Rights Project. From here you can learn more about the Florida law.

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